Since this is my first movie review, I'd like to preface the review and let everyone know that I always rate movies on a scale 1-10, 10 being caddyshack and 1 being caddyshack 2. Also, since some of my reviews *may* contain spoilers, if you haven't seen it, you may want to wait if you're dying to head to the theaters. If you don't care regardless, read on...
After all of the surrounding hype regarding this movie, I had to drag myself out to see it. I was actually looking forward to it, expecting another Old School or Bad Santa. The two Co-Stars of the film being the Frat Pack all stars at the moment, my expectations were high. I knew I wouldn't care two shits about any story, etc., I was just ready to have side-splitting nonsense about 2 dudes maowing box non-stop during wedding season. That's what I got, *most* of the movie. The movie had a lot of great one-liners and also a good amount of random, not-so funny jokes. I read another review that mentioned that the majority of the film was unscripted (as to the dialogues between wilson and vaughn) and it seemed that any random thought that Vince Vaughn would have was immediately sent to print. That worked both ways good & bad, in my opinion. After a handful of humor and almost 90 minutes into the film, I was hurting. I hadn't laughed in 30 minutes and I was waiting for the movie to end. Then, guest appearance by Will Ferrell (chas). Great move, may have saved the film. Ferrell plays super crasher Chas who has stepped it up a notch by bringing Funerals into the crashing equation. Almost near end, it woke me up enough to gander a few more laughs. Dropping F-Bombs at his mom and demanding meat loaf may have been the best scene in the movie. Overall, every scene definitely wasn't memorable, but enough for a few laughs and good one-liners. It probably wouldn't be a big deal if you waiting for DVD on this one.
Here are a few reviews I made over the past month for a handful of flicks.
"War of the Worlds"--
Rating: 5
Am I the only one that's sick of T-Cruise? Fuck this guy. The fucker slides around in his grippers 20 years ago and now chicks keel over when they see his 4'9" ass. He's part of some elitest religion that requires any member to have a $200 million minimum net worth in order to become initiated into the celebrity church. It seems too convenient that he managed to abuse Matt Lauer about useless rhetoric days before the release of his summer blockbuster. He's also managed to make Oprah cum on herself and sling a 5 carat rock to hotass he's known for 7 weeks. However coincidental that may
be, I still doubt the bulk to the breast. Don't piss on my leg and call it rain, T-Cruise. Anywho, I digress.
Right off the bat, Speilberg made a HUGE mistake by casting T-Cruise. Maybe they plug each other because I can't forsee any superstar director-movie maker casting someone like T-Cruise to play a lower to middle class construction worker. For god sakes it looks like he's got Da Vinci Veneers. What kind of crane controller has got a grill that you can see your reflection
in? Those dirtbags are supposed to have grills that could butter a whole loaf of bread. Moving on, the movie is exactly like
the original and lacks depth, plot, and point. Aliens just cruise around mauling peeps and then it ends. I won't even comment on Tim Robbins character which was seemingly the only way Speilberg could attempt to add some sort of meat to the heart of the film. If you are amazed by special effects or worship T-Cruises tired ass dome, feel free to enjoy 2 hours of just that.
"Hostage"--
Rating: 8
I don't hand out 8's and I was just trying to place the last film that I gave an 8 and I can't remember. Jim and I always talk about how they don't ever make movies like they use to. I didn't go see hostage in the theater because I thought maybe Bruce Willis had gotten old and in the way and this maybe was a half ass attempt to measure up to the Die Hard or Hudson Hawk(just kidding) days. I was wrong. From start to finish this was an overall very entertaining flick. Several Story lines, wide variety of characters, and a continuously guessing audience as to the ending. Bruce didn't say Yippie Kay-Yay Mother Fucker or anything but definitely worth the rent.
"Assault on Precient 13"--
Rating: 6.5
I ususally give average movies a 6, but I'll throw in another .5 for effort on this film. Do you think Ethan Hawke wants to be a cop? I bet he makes Pee-Wee Herman look like Mickey Mouse when he reads any script about a cop role. I'm not 100% convinced on his acting skills, but I like Lawrence Fishburne and the other dude (can't remember his name) that played the first suspect as Kaiser Sosze in Usual Suspects. They iced the hot bitch half way through the film, poor choice. I'm sure Ja Rule had a tough time at the casting call when he had to try out for the part as the "Imprisoned Gangbanger Criminal". Surprise appearance by Brian Dennehey, I think the last time I saw that dude it was in F/X 2. The ending was severely predictable and the last scene somehow ended up in a forest (the entire movie was in downtown Detroit) which I had trouble understanding.
"White Noise"--
Rating: 2
This whole movie revolved around a supposed real life theory called EVP. Electronic Voice Phenomenon is when dead fuckers communicate with the living over the radio waves or through a fuzzy television set. First appearance by Michael Keaton since multiplicity or Batman 15 years ago. Jesus, has he been picky about scripts or was he this desperate? This shit was awful. This whole movie was about dudes sitting in front or TVs and radios and thinking their croaked loved ones were trying to help them save other peoples lives of people that haven't died yet. Did that make sense? Didn't think so. So basically fuzzy reception of Alex Trebek or shitty reception of rick & bubba is really your dead grandmother summoning you to play superwoman and become the town hero. Then all of a sudden the movie turns into your typical ghost killing flick and thankfully ends abrubtly. If there's a gun to your head, don't watch this movie. I'd rather enjoy a 4 hour round of russian roulette than sit through this movie again. Hit the showers, Keaton.
"National Treasure"
Rating: 5
I really couldn't tell you about the fist 10 minutes of this movie because all I was thinking about was Neher when he ordered this at the bachelor party back in March. I wonder if he had his bowl of cereal and pajama bottoms when he ordered it? Not really a lot to talk about here, Nicolas Cage once again took an at best average role and ran around searching for lost
treasures that our four fathers hid for 200 years. Apparently no one for 200 years could ever figure out the clues and find the
treasure but the second Cage finds a clue, he recites a 5 page thesis that of course, takes him to the next clue. Yawn. The chick wasn't that hot either and there was waaay too much comic relief that wasn't funny. I really thought that the script was written by Barney or a Teletubbie. Nicolas Cage is a super cheese dick and aside from "Leaving Las Vegas", I'm really having trouble believing this guy is related to a coppola.
"Batman Begins"
Rating: 8
No shit, another 8. This movie was awesome. Directed by the same dude that did "Memento", BB got completely away from the past cheesy DC Comic characters/villans. Tim Burton did a great job directing the first two but BB remained unique and provided its own darkness and mystery that never went past any boundaries. Perfectly casted: Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Katie Holmes and Michael Caine all did great jobs and there was just enough about everything you would
except to make this an all around good movie. Oh and you remember that old ass flick "The Hitcher" about that hitchhiker terrorizing the kid(Soulman) driving home? He was in it too. It also seems like they wanted to end it with the possibilities of a sequel. As long as they don't resurrect arnold's iceman, I'm happy. I'm also having trouble remembering the last 10 minutes of the movie due to Katie Holme's nip-shot through the white silk shirt she was wearing. I'm talking full pepporoni's. I'm already searching for the DVD marked box so I can watch "American Psycho" just to relive a few old times. Patrick Bateman is the man.
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